You can order yours today, but you better get it fast; but first, this.
Former President, Donald J. Trump has published his own Bible. I don’t why other Presidents did not think of this. They are not as smart nor as sharp as he is, obviously, and not nearly as rich. Selling Bibles is a proven way to get rich, as is reading the Bible and teaching the Bible. But that is another story, and besides, Trump was already rich.
His motivation, I am sure, is to put good literature into the hands of ordinary people. He is not an ordinary person, but I am and, mostly, so are you; so you need a Bible and you need to be reading the Bible. Plus, a lot of other stuff. Trump has put this other stuff in the Bible. It is not everything you might need, but it is something, like the Declaration of Independence. My, how often over the years I have needed the Declaration and did not have it. Same goes for the U. S. Constitution. I have lost out on two jobs and three free vacations because I did not have a Constitution to read. Same for you, probably.
So here it is, everything you need.
Except, I can think of some other stuff you might need, stuff that might go into the second edition of the Trump Bible. Like the Amtrac schedule. Haven’t you thought of taking a ride on a train? And when you were thinking about it, you wanted to take a look at the schedule, right? But you did not have one. That could go in the next edition.
Also, the list of Super Bowl winners. I am a Pittsburgh Steeler fan and am always looking up stuff on the internet, like the draft location of Steeler players, and how many are in the Hall of Fame, and the schedule for the year. I’ll bet I have looked up the 2024-25 schedule a half dozen times. I could have avoided all that if it were printed in the Trump Bible.
Of course, the Trump Steeler Bible will be different than the Trump Cowboy Bible. But that is OK because people in Texas seem to be reading a different Bible already, so what’s a few more difference.
And this: the measurement conversion table. That needs to be in the Bible, for sure. First, these tables explain all Bible uses of measurements, like a cubit. Do you know how long a cubit is? No, you don’t, so you don’t know how big the ark was, according to the sixth chapter of Genesis. You could travel to Kentucky and visit the Ark Encounter, but that would be expensive. If only you had a conversion chart in your Trump Bible.
I’m going to send him a copy of this article so he will start thinking about the second edition of his Bible. He needs a second edition, don’t you think, because he is getting a second edition of his presidency. It is going to be way different than the first edition, he keeps saying and everybody agrees. So, his Bible should be different as well. For starters, lots of stuff needs to be taken out. Like, stuff that he doesn’t want to read and doesn’t want us to read. It needs to come out before the book police in Florida start banning the Bible. They won’t ban the Trump Bible, of course, but they won’t read it either. But that is another story, and it would probably bore you.
The one thing the new Trump Bible needs is a center fold. Old Bibles used to have maps and such, and there were times when I really liked that. But that is old fashioned, and what is newer fashion is the center spread. Of Trump himself, of course, or maybe of anybody you want, for a little more money.
I’ve seen some AI versions of Trump that make him look all buff, and handsome, and interesting. They are fake, of course, but so what? Who cares?
But here is one thing you must care about: order your Trump Bible quick because they are made in China, and the tariffs are coming quicker than the Bibles. 100% tariffs, President Trump has said, and no special deal for Bibles, any Bibles. Except those coming with Xi Jinping when he travels here for Trump’s inauguration. Word on the street has it he is bringing the last load of pre-tariff Bibles. After that, the price doubles. It is true, though, that Trump is excluding his Bibles from the equation that calculates cost of living and inflation and such things; so, there’s that.
Nevertheless, these Bible’s will be a gold mine worth your 401k. No telling what they will be worth in another four years!
You can order yours today, but you better get it fast; but first, this.
Former President, Donald J. Trump has published his own Bible. I don’t why other Presidents did not think of this. They are not as smart nor as sharp as he is, obviously, and not nearly as rich. Selling Bibles is a proven way to get rich, as is reading the Bible and teaching the Bible. But that is another story, and besides, Trump was already rich.
His motivation, I am sure, is to put good literature into the hands of ordinary people. He is not an ordinary person, but I am and, mostly, so are you; so you need a Bible and you need to be reading the Bible. Plus, a lot of other stuff. Trump has put this other stuff in the Bible. It is not everything you might need, but it is something, like the Declaration of Independence. My, how often over the years I have needed the Declaration and did not have it. Same goes for the U. S. Constitution. I have lost out on two jobs and three free vacations because I did not have a Constitution to read. Same for you, probably.
So here it is, everything you need.
Except, I can think of some other stuff you might need, stuff that might go into the second edition of the Trump Bible. Like the Amtrac schedule. Haven’t you thought of taking a ride on a train? And when you were thinking about it, you wanted to take a look at the schedule, right? But you did not have one. That could go in the next edition.
Also, the list of Super Bowl winners. I am a Pittsburgh Steeler fan and am always looking up stuff on the internet, like the draft location of Steeler players, and how many are in the Hall of Fame, and the schedule for the year. I’ll bet I have looked up the 2024-25 schedule a half dozen times. I could have avoided all that if it were printed in the Trump Bible.
Of course, the Trump Steeler Bible will be different than the Trump Cowboy Bible. But that is OK because people in Texas seem to be reading a different Bible already, so what’s a few more difference.
And this: the measurement conversion table. That needs to be in the Bible, for sure. First, these tables explain all Bible uses of measurements, like a cubit. Do you know how long a cubit is? No, you don’t, so you don’t know how big the ark was, according to the sixth chapter of Genesis. You could travel to Kentucky and visit the Ark Encounter, but that would be expensive. If only you had a conversion chart in your Trump Bible.
I’m going to send him a copy of this article so he will start thinking about the second edition of his Bible. He needs a second edition, don’t you think, because he is getting a second edition of his presidency. It is going to be way different than the first edition, he keeps saying and everybody agrees. So, his Bible should be different as well. For starters, lots of stuff needs to be taken out. Like, stuff that he doesn’t want to read and doesn’t want us to read. It needs to come out before the book police in Florida start banning the Bible. They won’t ban the Trump Bible, of course, but they won’t read it either. But that is another story, and it would probably bore you.
The one thing the new Trump Bible needs is a center fold. Old Bibles used to have maps and such, and there were times when I really liked that. But that is old fashioned, and what is newer fashion is the center spread. Of Trump himself, of course, or maybe of anybody you want, for a little more money.
I’ve seen some AI versions of Trump that make him look all buff, and handsome, and interesting. They are fake, of course, but so what? Who cares?
But here is one thing you must care about: order your Trump Bible quick because they are made in China, and the tariffs are coming quicker than the Bibles. 100% tariffs, President Trump has said, and no special deal for Bibles, any Bibles. Except those coming with Xi Jinping when he travels here for Trump’s inauguration. Word on the street has it he is bringing the last load of pre-tariff Bibles. After that, the price doubles. It is true, though, that Trump is excluding his Bibles from the equation that calculates cost of living and inflation and such things; so, there’s that.
Nevertheless, these Bible’s will be a gold mine worth your 401k. No telling what they will be worth in another four years!
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