Just when I am ready to jump into the TikToq universe, politicians are telling us it is not good—a threat to world order and universal peace.
Help me Jesus!
”You need to be on TikTok,” several advisors told me when I asked how I could increase my media audience. At the time, I had 24 subscribers to my YouTube channel, but since then, that number has doubled—so perhaps the TikTok strategy is not so urgent.
I know about TikTok. I started watching last summer. For those of you who are less culturally-current than I am, TikTok is a social media platform that features videos up to three minutes long. Many of these videographers are ordinary people telling ordinary stories: mostly about dates that have ended in disaster.
But there is a wide swath of these videos that feature people leaving either Evangelical or Mormon religion. The stories they tell are shocking. Little did I know!
I have found no videos that tell of leaving Catholicism, or Judaism, or other religions. That makes me wonder even more who determines what videos appear on my TikTok feed. Algorithm is the word for that, but I don’t know who runs that.
Except the government—our government—tells us it is all owned and operated by the Chinese, and they are using it as part of their strategy to take over the world. Help me Jesus.
Don’t trust those Chinese, we are told—as if our own corporations have earned our trust! Wells Fargo was just fined $3.7 billion for violating consumer regulations, Twitter is being run by Elon Musk (for God’s sake), and Congress has just published the truth about the Insurrection—all of which give us great faith in our own system of things, right?
Help me Jesus!
Yes, TikTok seems to be the place of choice for every woman with big boobs, mixed right in there with sermon clips of the late Adrian Rogers and a whole string of professionals telling us “Five Things I Would Never Do.”
I don’t know how this TikTok thing works, but apparently sometime last summer I accidentally created my own account. I don’t know how this happened. Now I have two followers. Help me Jesus!
I have never actually made a video but, clearly, once I do, it will go viral. If my performance elsewhere is any indication. Advertisers are already lining up. I’m taking applications from people who want cameo appearances in my videos.
There is a problem with my TikTok strategy, though.
Videos are limited to three minutes. I’m a preacher, for 50 years now. I’ve never talked that short in my whole life. Even my prayers are longer than that.
Some TikTokers get around that by doing a series of videos. Part 2 and Part 3 are very common. But I began to see my potential earlier this week when one woman on TikTok (and they are mostly women) concluded one video with these words, “Tap the icon for Part 19.”
By my calculations, 19 times 3 is 57. As in 57 minutes. Now that is getting up there in my range. I think I could do that.
But if that doesn’t work out, I can always be an elf, right?