My long-time friend Paul Robertson of Houston was diagnosed with cancer 13 years ago. He was given a few years to live. But, praise God, he is very much alive and still fly fishing as often as he can. He is exactly my age. For these 13 years, Paul has periodically distributed his Tentmakers Journal, offering commentary on life, health, and things of the spirit. Here is the one he sent last week.
When I walk through MDA, [M. D. Anderson Cancer Center] I am reminded of the suffering and extreme treatments that many patients go through, some for years. I see chemotherapy patients that are too sick to take care of themselves, some in wheelchairs. I see scarves wrapped around bald heads. I see some lying down across couches, too tired from disease or treatments to sit up. I see some with such advanced cancer that I wonder if hospice isn’t the next step on their journey. This helps me keep my experience with cancer in perspective. I have much for which to be grateful.
At MDA, I see and meet folks who have traveled across the country, and some from other parts of the world to get treatment at this world class treatment facility. For some, it is their last hope. I am reminded how fortunate I have been to have lived here. I was guided by God to move to the Houston area in 2003. I was here when I was diagnosed with Mantle Cell Lymphoma (MCL) in 2013. MDA has one of the top world experts on MCL—Dr. Wang. My doctor! We have chosen to stay close to MDA for on-going care and treatment. And with the guidance and help of the health care team there, I have lived a good quality of life these last 13+ years.
As I walk around the hospital, I notice the anxiety on many faces. Many patients find themselves “waiting anxiously” for the next checkup. The next blood test. The next scan. My next checkup will be November 19. Those dates get etched in one’s brain. For some, it is a wait filled with apprehension. There can be a lot of questions. Is evidence of cancer gone? Is it in remission? What are the odds it will return? If it has come back, what’s next? What are the chances it was all for naught? Can I stop taking all these drugs and get away from these side effects?
Generally, I don’t get too anxious. My BP for this visit was 101/67 and my pulse rate was 60 (these numbers are a little lower than my normal)—Judy is so jealous! I wish I knew a secret for staying calm, but I don’t. In reality, the level of anxiety varies with each checkup. At times I have heard some not so good news and at times some good news. It’s always a wait and see.
As I have said many times, I have been extraordinarily blessed to live in a town that has some of the best medical care in the world. The Houston Texas Medical Center contains the largest concentration of medical facilities, technology and expertise in the history of humanity. It really is impressive to see and experience. I have been blessed to have good insurance that gets me access to that care. There have been medical expenses not covered by insurance, but so far I have been able to pay. But, I am reminded that I live in a state with the largest percentage of uninsured people in this country—about 16.7%. That about 5.1 million people in Texas with no health insurance and thus little or no access to good health care. To me, that is just wrong. To be able to walk into a world-renowned facility like MDA only highlights the number of folks that can’t, and as a result get subpar care elsewhere, or no specialty care, or no care at all. Sadly, that’s a symptom of our country’s dysfunctional medical care system.
One of our country’s strengths has been its embracing the advances of science, medicine, and technology, and quality education that advances those sectors. It seems to me that we are living in a time that many are trying to tear down much of that. I encourage us to elect leaders that will focus on restoring science and regaining trust in our educators, doctors, and scientists. In particular, I fear that the current strategies of cuts to research will have long-term devastating effects.
Research is so important. As I think I have shared before, I have been privileged to participate in five clinical trials. Some of the drugs that I participated in testing are now FDA approved and thus helping others live longer and with quality of life. And I am the beneficiary of taking treatments (such as CAR T-cell therapy) that others tested in clinical trials before me. We need to keep on funding and supporting the research.
As I walk around the hospital, I am also reminded that there are many people working behind the scenes that I want to always remember and give thanks for them. The doctors often get the focus. But there are so many others: the nursing assistants, the nurses, the therapists, the aides, the techs, the receptionists, the food staff, the house cleaners…I can’t even begin to name them all. But, they are there—at times overworked and often dealing daily with people in terrible pain. Some are the ones that I am counting on to explain to me, in language that I can understand, what is happening, touch my shoulder, hear me in my anxiety, and even “hold” my fears. My experience is that overwhelmingly they are kind and compassionate folks who do their tasks well, while daily facing demanding
work and quite a few challenging patients. In addition, I am reminded of the countless others that are behind the scenes making it possible for the front-line workers to be there for me. I wish there was a way to let them all know how much they are appreciated.
“Gratitude is the most fruitful way of deepening your consciousness that you are not an “accident,” but a divine choice. It is important to realize how often we have had chances to be grateful and have not used them. When someone is kind to us, when an event turns out well, when a problem is solved, a relationship restored, a wound healed, there are very concrete reasons to offer thanks: be it with words, with flowers, with a letter, a card, a phone call, or just a gesture of affection. . . . Every time we decide to be grateful it will be easier to see new things to be grateful for. Gratitude begets gratitude, just as love begets love.” ~Henri Nouwen
